not so народная мудрость

Добрый день! Позвольте мне представиться! Меня зовут Ваня Кенгуруевич Капризов, но Вы можете меня назвать "Дядей Ваней", "Дедушкой", и.т.д, только без всякой глупости и неприличных слов, хорошо? Как сказал один из мужчин в киноклассике "Ирония судьбы": "Давайте без дураков."

Поскольку читатели владеете несколькими языками (кстати, горазде больше меня. Я, например, владею русским, английским, и языком кенгуру), я буду писать свои замечание и впечателения о России и на русском, и на английском языках, пока без языка кенгуру, думаю, что будет легче так). Прошу прощениу у тех, кто не может читать по-русски, но что же делать? Пора занимаются русским!

Итак, мы с Вами познакомимся с теми вещами, которые часто удивляют, даже шокируют иностранцев. Готовьтесь смеяться (но над мной нельзя)!

If you want to know what I've been saying, non-Russian speaking friends, all you have to do is ask. But you have to ask, otherwise I will assume that you have without my knowledge acquired near-native speaker fluency in Russian in a wicked short period of time, in which case I applaud you and will pay good money to learn your secrets ;)

Ну что ж, ребята, начнём? Поехали.

1. Will I ever stop studying Russian grammar? No. Will I stop being terrified of all the exceptions to the rule which aren't really exceptions? No. Will I ever correctly be able to read fractions correctly? Yes, as long as they're in the nominative or accusative cases. ;)

2. Tell the story. (For my friends in MIC, an entire blog will be devoted to the majesty that is Sergei's attempts to give directions in English, but for now I will confine myself to a sampling of Sergeisms. Don't afraid. Don't sing like mechanical piano players.

3. Согласно Саше, моему папе, с которым я жил в Питере, я похож на хиппи, на Джона Леннона, и на медведя.

4. Я дружил с причастиями. Они меня не пугают.

5. Despite the stereotype, I will not stop smiling. Smiling is for me more than just an attitude or reflection of how I'm feeling at a given moment, it's a deeper sign of an eternal sense of optimism that despite all the bad things that have happened to me, things will work out.

6. I really can't make fun of my sister for losing her phone anymore. I can, however, say that I've never had my phone run over by a truck. That's just ridiculous. ;)

7. Last summer's shashlik party was the most insane day of my life. My birthday party on Saturday night was the most insane evening of my life. Here's to great friends! За дружбу!

8. "Это не важно". Сергей напоминает нам, что слова в песне "Либертанго" не так уж важно.

9. In Russian conversation, you are likely to hear several times, if not several hundred times, words such as вот, ну, давай, ага, же, and other particles which have different meanings and functions, depending on context.

10. Шас! Я щас!

11. "Джон, неужели ты никогда не провёл ночь с проституткой?" "Да, Сашь, иикогда." One of the many times my host dad tried to give me dating advice. On Victory Day he had me pose with a random Russian girl along the Neva holding the Communist flag.

12. Oh verbs of motion...how you confuse me.

13. Oh verbs with prefixes...how you bring me into a state of eternal perplexity.

14. Oh numbers...how I hate the fact that you decline like nouns, adjectives and pronouns. Decimals and fractions scare me.

15. Kunstkamera...the sketchiest museum to ever exist on the planet. Also, the weirdest birthday I've ever spent. Thank goodness it ended with my host mom giving me Cheburashka to offset the horrible memories of that place along Vasilievsky Ostrov.

I think that will suffice for the moment. Stay tuned for further interesting reflections on such themes as the Russian winter, the Russian soul, and more interesting battles with Russian grammar and insane drivers. Next time: a typical rehearsal with the Moscow International Choir.

Всего доброго! Буду выражить искренную благодарность за любые замечания и вопросы.

Ваня Кенгуруевич